Self Doubt: Easiest way to look fat!
‘Am I looking too fat? Do I look unsuitable for such a place? How is he looking so sharp when we are wearing the same shirt? How do I look a bit more interesting? Is anyone even interested in talking to me? I am pretty sure he is getting bored of me and thinking of reasons to just leave.’
I can go on and on with these kinds of thoughts. If you have frequently caught yourself with thoughts like these, then I would really want you to read further, and let’s see if we can mutually find out a solution for self-doubts.
When I was in 11th grade, I had a very tough time dealing with skinniness. I was too skinny compared to those with me. I used to be always insecure about my health and there were a lot of factors that contributed to my insecurity. Relatives, for starters.
‘Arey itna patla hogaya hai, khana nahi milta hai kya, hahahaha’
Sounds familiar? Yeah, I have heard this sentence more than 1000 times at least. For them, it was just another little joke they could laugh at, but I used to think about the same thing for the whole day.
Or be it Facebook or other social networking sites where my friends would share their pictures and I would just think, “What is he doing that I am not? What did I do to deserve this”. My friends would sometimes joke about my body health and of course, they didn’t intend to hurt my sentiments but they did.
I am sure all of you have your own factors that added to your insecurities and I know that you had a different problem, maybe bigger than mine. It can be related to how you look, your profession, your salary, etc. But one thing we have in common is how we doubted ourselves at one or another point in life and even now some of us are continuing to do that.
As I always say, I am not you, I don’t know how you are feeling because we are different persons, but all I can do is tell you ‘You are not alone in this. I have been through the same problem and in fact, a lot of people have this same problem. You might be a little extra overthinker and the problem might be affecting you a little bit more than me but that doesn’t mean your problem is bigger than mine.
Enough discussing the problem, let’s talk about things we need to stop and things we need to do better in order to help overcome this self-doubt because after this pandemic, I have understood how important is to live every moment and I will not want to ruin this beautiful life with my overthinking.
Stop Comparing Yourself
I’ve used to often see myself as a misfit in most parties or clubs or any kind of get-together. I thought maybe I do not fit in among these people, my attire is not good enough. As you can imply, I used to turn down invitations for most of them because I will not have to face any embarrassment if I am not going.
It was only after I realized that I wasn’t a misfit. No one was looking at me the way I was looking at myself. No one thought that my attire was weird or not suitable, it was just me. People enjoyed my company and not invited me just for the sake of it. So why exactly was I considering myself as an outsider.
That is because there were guys at all those parties dressed better than me. Or maybe dressed differently which I kind of liked. What I didn’t realize was that life is not just black and white. There always is a grey area. So if someone else’s outfit or personality is good, that does not make mine bad. It’s just that I am different and better in my own ways. If I am admiring someone, there is a good chance that someone else at the party, is also admiring me. I know, ye zyada hogaya, but who knows. If it feels good to believe then why not believe it.
If you are comparing yourself to someone, don’t just compare a part. Compare everything, compare their life challenges, their upbringing, etc. Don’t just compare one thing that they are good at and feel bad about yourself. There are many things that you are better than others, remember that.
Not Everything is on the Internet
I used to be a social media addict, like most of you. I used to scroll the whole day on Instagram or Facebook, post pictures, and see how many likes and comments I could get. Getting more likes was equal to me being happier. To be honest with you, I turned to social media for my validations, which was the biggest mistake.
I am not against social media, but I feel it is just there to intensify the emotion that you are currently feeling. For example, if I am in a good mood and I see someone posting a picture of the sunset while I am sitting at my home, I would be happy to see that. It would bring a smile to look at the beauty of nature. In another scenario, I am sitting at my home and I am feeling depressed and I look at a picture of sunset posted by someone, I would think ‘That is so cool that they are roaming like this with friends’, and I will start feeling more insecure about myself.
We need to understand, that if people are posting pictures of trekking and outings, it doesn’t mean that everyone except us is happy in the world. People only post good stuff on the internet. You will never see people posting ‘I am depressed, please talk to me’ on their Facebook walls (Removing Whatsapp DP does not count). It’s okay to not feel like hanging out, happens with everyone, don’t just believe anything just because it’s on the internet.
A setback is not a failure
I was once part of my school basketball team. In a friendly match between us and another school, I had to score two points for us to win. It was not a difficult shot but I messed up. I messed up and we lost the match. My teammates were not happy with me, my coach replaced me and eventually, I stopped playing because I didn’t feel like continuing in the team. Every time I used to take the ball in my hand, I would remember that match. I would remember those sad faces of my teammates. I just wanted to get away from that memory so I chose the easiest way, to quit.
Does this story sound familiar? Have you ever denied doing something because you failed at it that one time? I have done that and I am not proud of it. I have passed on to some great opportunities because I was doubting myself based on that one mistake in the past.
Our success does not make us confident as much as our failure can make us hopeless.
We tend to hold on to things that we failed at and not repeat doing those things again because ‘What if I fail again and make a fool of myself?’. I say it’s okay to fail at things, not just once but multiple times, but you don’t need to doubt your capabilities. It’s just a lack of practice or maybe bad luck that you failed. Don’t ever feel you are not good enough just because you couldn’t get it right the first time. I mean, I still lose in basketball or any other sport, but I don’t stop myself from trying again. Just like one win can’t make you forever winner, one failure can’t make you a forever loser.
In the end, I just want to add that, Self-doubt is tiring, it’s bad and it will not make you feel good about yourself. Instead of competing with anyone else, compete with yourself. Doubt yourself only in terms of ‘are you better than the yesterday’s version of you’.
And, Always remember you are not a veg biryani, you are a chicken biryani.
Thank you for reading
